


Cat Burglar

by Nomad (nomadicwriter)



Category: Eroica Yori Ai o Komete | From Eroica with Love
Genre: Gen, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28303332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomadicwriter/pseuds/Nomad
Summary: Dorian attempts to catch an elusive cat and an irritated major, with similar results all round.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 31
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Cat Burglar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katonahottinroof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katonahottinroof/gifts).



It was really most unfair the way the major insisted on blaming Dorian for every little thing.

"Major, I can hardly be held responsible for the fact that cats like to climb trees!" he said as Klaus shoved him towards the window said cat had disappeared through. After all, creatures followed their nature - just as Dorian couldn't possibly have been expected to resist the chance to get his hands on Lady Elmwood's _exquisite_ collection of portrait miniatures after her death. How was he supposed to have known the old woman with her Georgian manor full of cats was an expert codebreaker working on decrypting messages from the KGB?

"If it hadn't been for your degenerate thieving ways, the cat wouldn't have had the locket in the first place!" Klaus said.

"I was thinking quickly under pressure," he defended himself. "After all, you wouldn't have wanted Mischa's goons to get away with it." And who would notice an extra pendant added to the glitzy collar of one of Lady Elmwood's many furry friends? His plan to come back and discreetly retrieve it later would have been flawless if it hadn't turned out to be the very locket that one of Klaus's hapless agents had slipped the microfilm inside. "You really must stop your men from hiding secret messages inside priceless works of art." Hardly the place for them to stay undisturbed.

"That tacky thing?" Klaus peered out at the ash tree where Montgomery Max Sugardandy of Stow, AKA Monty, sat grumpily huddled among the highest branches. "Even the cat looks embarrassed to be wearing it."

Sometimes Dorian truly despaired. "Major, you have no eye for the finer things in life." No wonder he kept turning down Dorian's very generous offers. "And anyway, it's not the locket that's most valuable. It's the portrait inside."

Klaus huffed a strand of hair away from his face. "What good is a portrait so small you can't even hang it on the wall?" He shoved the window up. "Now get out there and get that locket back!"

Dorian yelped as Klaus manhandled him towards the window ledge. "Major, I'm sure with that mighty Magnum of yours you're unfamiliar with the concept, but size isn't always what matters!" he said. "A well-developed technique counts for an awful lot." And really Klaus could learn to use those manly muscles a trifle more gently.

The major stood back and lit a cigarette, unmoved. "Then make some use of those delinquent skills of yours and climb out there after the cat."

"Well, really," Dorian groused as he crawled out along the branch.

Of course, he'd climbed a few trees in his time, but usually to gain access to the upper windows of a house, not to leave that way and keep heading upwards. Some of those branches looked awfully spindly to support a man of his slender but athletic proportions.

Especially since Monty, a fluffy white Persian of the haughty variety, had managed to wedge himself all the way up among the very highest. Dorian felt the two of them to be somewhat kindred spirits. Here was a pampered creature raised in luxurious yet stifling surroundings, yearning only for the chance to live wild and free. Surely he could call upon that natural bond to lure the cat back down to him.

However exactly one did that. He clicked his tongue. "Here, kitty, kitty," he called. Monty gave him a disdainful look, resettling himself in the crook of the branches as if to make the point that he could stay up there all day.

So far this was not, Dorian felt, doing very much for his image with the major. Well, except insofar as he was surely now presenting him with a rather excellent view of his backside. He threw in a bit of a seductive wiggle as he climbed further out.

"Get on with it before you fall out of that tree," the major said, puffing on his cigarette.

That man had no romance in his soul.

Still, at least Monty was finally in reach. Dorian stretched along the branch to take a hold of the cat, and received a hissing swipe for his troubles. The upper branches swayed as the Persian backed away, and Dorian clung tightly to his perch. "Major, that cat is as intractable as you are!" he said. And just as incapable of telling the difference between an attack and some perfectly harmless human contact from someone just trying to help.

The major ground out his cigarette - surely not on that priceless old carpet, good Lord - and clambered out onto the ledge. "You useless fop. Get out of the way." He hauled himself up into the tree after Dorian, causing the branches to creak alarmingly.

Dorian squawked, urgently trying to shimmy back down as the added weight caused the whole treetop to bend sideways. "I really don't think this tree is big enough for the both of us!" he said.

"Stop complaining," Klaus said. "And don't look!" he added as he climbed past Dorian, unable to avoid presenting an enticing view at eye level.

"Well, it's either look up or look down." And the choice between eyeing the drop to the ground or the major's shapely rear at close quarters was really no contest at all.

"Then close your eyes!" he insisted. As he pulled himself further out along the branch Monty had retreated onto, there was an ominous creak. Dorian hastily grabbed the major by the waist to support him.

Well, all right, maybe a little bit lower than the waist, but then he'd always been a great believer in combining business with pleasure.

"Waugh!" Klaus flailed in surprise. "Get off of me, you inveterate pervert." He tried to shove Dorian away from him, only causing the tree to sway even more.

"Major, if you don't stop thrashing around, we're going to-"

_Crrrrrckkk_.

The stressed branch snapped, bark tearing away from the trunk as it fell. It came to a precarious rest atop the broader branches below, and they both held their breath, clutching hold of each other tightly.

Which was when Monty came trotting back down from the far end of the branch, hopping across Dorian's shoulders on his way back to the trunk. As Dorian reflexively yelped and ducked away from the cat's claws, the branch rocked out of place, tipping him and Klaus the rest of the way to the ground.

They lay there in a stunned heap while Monty picked his way to the base of the tree trunk and sat down at the foot to wash himself. Klaus, Dorian couldn't help noting as he regained his breath, seemed in no particular hurry to scramble away.

He propped himself up on his elbow and smiled. "You know, the countryside suits you, major," he said, picking a leaf out of Klaus's hair. "You do have the loveliest green eyes."

Those eyes were locked on his as if mesmerised, widening slightly as Dorian slowly leaned in...

And then they focused sharply on something behind him. Klaus's knee jabbed him in the gut as he rolled them both over to launch himself after the cat. "Get the locket," he snapped as he gathered Monty in his arms.

Much to Dorian's chagrin, the hissing hellbeast settled there without any struggle and began to purr contentedly. Also to his chagrin, there was no sign of Lady Elmwood's locket on the jewelled collar. As he drew himself back to his feet, rubbing his winded stomach, a flicker of motion in one of the windows of the manor caught his eye. Oh, dear.

He started to edge away from Klaus.

"Well?" the major said impatiently. "What's the holdup? Don't tell me that you're scared of a cat."

"Of course not." He offered his sunniest smile. "It's just that I just remembered a trivial detail. Ah... you see, Lady Elmwood had more than one white Persian cat."

Klaus's gaze followed his to where Monty's near-twin sat inside the downstairs window of the manor - wearing the missing locket. 

Dorian ran for his life with the major swearing on his heels.


End file.
